| Vince had a smile on his face, and I remember thinking he must be relieved that he and the counsels office were working on things like Supreme Court and FBI appointments, instead of answering endless questions about the Travel OfficeThe whole ceremony seemed perfect, almost too good to be trueIt was, in more ways than one
That night I appeared on Larry Kings show from the library on the ground floor of the White House to talk about my battle for the budget and whatever else was on his and his callers mindsLike everyone else, I liked Larry KingHe has a good sense of humor and a human touch, even when hes asking tough questionsAbout forty-five minutes into the program, things were going so well that Larry asked me if Id do an extra thirty minutes, so that we could take more questions from viewersI agreed immediately and was looking forward to it, but at the next break Mack McLarty showed up and said we had to end the interview after an hourAt first I was irritated, thinking my staff was worried that I might make a mistake if I kept going, but the look in Macks eyes told me gucci ladies watches something else was going on
After Larry and I wrapped up the interview and I shook hands with his crew, Mack walked me upstairs to the residenceHolding back tears, he told me Vince Foster was deadVince had left the Rose Garden after the ceremony for Louis Freeh, driven out to Fort Marcy Park, and shot himself with an old revolver that was a family heirloomWe had been friends virtually all our livesOur backyards had touched when I lived with my grandparents in HopeWe had played together even before Mack and I started kindergartenI knew Vince had been upset by the Travel Office controversy and held himself responsible for the criticism directed at the counsels officeHe had also been wounded by questions raised about his competence and integrity in several Wall Street Journal editorials
Just the night before, I had called Vince to invite him to watch a movie with meI was hoping to give him some encouragement, but he had already gone home for the night and said he needed to spend some time with his wife, LisaI did my best in our phone conversation to persuade him to shrug off the knockoff gucci handbags Journal editorialsThe Journal was a fine paper, but not that many people read its editorials; most of those who did were, like the editorial writers, conservatives who were lost to us anywayVince listened, but I could tell I hadnt convinced himHe had never been subject to public criticism before and, like so many people when theyre pounded in the press for the first time, he seemed to think that everyone had read the negative things said about him and believed them
After Mack told me what had happened, Hillary called me from Little RockShe already knew and was cryingVince had been her closest friend at the Rose firmShe was frantically searching for an answer we would never completely findwhy this had happenedI did my best to convince her there was nothing she could have done, all the while wondering what I could have doneThen Mack and I went over to Vinces house to be with the familyWebb and Suzy Hubbell were there, as were several of Vinces friends from Arkansas and the White HouseI tried to console everyone, but I was hurting too, and feeling, as I had when Frank Aller killed luxury watches rolex himself, angry at Vince for doing it and angry at myself for not seeing it coming and doing something, anything, to try to stop itI was also sad for all my friends from Arkansas who had come to Washington wanting nothing more than to serve and do good, only to find their every move second-guessedNow Vince, the tall, handsome, strong, and self-assured person they felt was the most stable of them all, was gone
For whatever reason, Vince came to the end of his ropeIn his briefcase, Bernie Nussbaum found a note that had been torn into little piecesWhen put back together, it said, I was not meant for the job in the spotlight of public life in WashingtonHere ruining people is considered sportThe public will never believe the innocence of the Clintons and their loyal staffVince was overwhelmed, exhausted, and vulnerable to attacks by people who didnt play by the same rules he didHe was rooted in the values of honor and respect, and uprooted by those who valued power and personal assault moreAnd his untreated depression stripped him of the defenses that allowed the rest of us to cheap louis vuitton replicas survive
The next day I spoke to the staff, telling them that there are things in life we cant control and mysteries we cant understand; that I wanted them to take more care with themselves, their friends, and their families; and that we couldnt deaden our sensitivities by working too hardThat last bit of advice had always been easier for me to give than to take
We all went to Little Rock for Vinces funeral at StAndrews Catholic Cathedral, then drove home to Hope, to lay Vince to rest in the cemetery where my grandparents and father were buriedMany people with whom wed gone to kindergarten and grade school were thereBy then, I had given up trying to understand Vinces depression and suicide in favor of accepting them and being grateful for his lifeIn my eulogy at the funeral, I tried to capture all of Vinces wonderful qualities, what he meant to all of us, how much good hed done at the White House, and how profoundly honorable he wasI quoted from Leon Russells moving A Song for You: I love you in a place where theres no space or timeI love you for in my life you are a friend of chanel shopping bag mine |
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